Walk down the memory lane and live the story of
Little Dima and I
I thought my family was perfect
My son is gay.
Shortly before Dima’s 17th birthday, when I was cooking in the kitchen while all up in my thoughts he stood by me and said, “Mom, we have to talk. Please sit down. I want to tell you something.” That is when Dima came out to me. He told me that it is not a disability, not a crime. That was just the person he was. He is the way he is. And I have to try to accept him.
…But how? How do I do this? I would have given all the money of the world for it to not exist, for it to not to be true. He asked me to allow him to be happy, but through tears, I swore that I would save him. He repeated, “Let me live the way I am.” And how should I live now? Did someone think of me?
And Dima did.
One day he came up to me again and said that he feels for how hard it is for me and he sees how I suffer alone with my thoughts. That day he asked me to come to Kyiv for a meeting of “Tergo”. He said that there will be parents of children like him. He said that they will understand me there, will hear me out and support me. And I went there. Dima bought me the ticket himself, I did not even argue. I felt that it was important for him and it was what I needed.
On the first meeting with other parents I was crying. I was telling my story and crying. The same happened on the second meeting. And on the third one too. It is not easy to change opinions even in regards to your own child. It is not simple to understand and comprehend that it is truly the kind of person he is. To understand that he can’t be changed. Until the very end,you want to believe that it was a parenting mistake or some type of illness that can be cured. But no. And this “no” hits the hardest.
It is hard to believe that it depends on the genes. We, his parents, are normal. Then why is he not like that, not normal? “It can’t be like that,” I used to say. Other parents said the same. And then you learn about various studies. At first, you are still searching there for that string of hope that will help save the “normal” in your child, but soon the realisation hits that it is a “variation of the norm”. That it is also “normal”. And something inside begins to change.
The breaking point happens when you begin to realise that all your fears and thoughts about the orientation of your child are mere stereotypes. Things that you never even bothered to figure out. You were just thinking the same way everyone else does.
My path to acceptance of my son was not easy.
I abandoned him, left him alone, but I found
strength in myself to return to him.
To return in order to say the most important thing
"I could have never imagined that these words from mom were what I had always needed".
Don’t have to be scared that my loved ones
will turn their backs on me.
Can be myself.
And not feel like a stranger in this world.
Can just be a son again.
Just a child of my parents.
Every person, every child in the world, regardless of who they are,
needs to hear these three words from their loved ones...
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